Tired of looking out for everyone else at your own expense?
Learn how to stand up for yourself, without stepping on others
You often say yes when you want to say no, and find yourself feeling resentful or anxious all too often.
You feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings. When it comes to your own, though you're often not even sure what they are.
You avoid conflict as much as possible, but it doesn't actually keep you from getting hurt.
You wonder if you're too sensitive or if there's just something fundamentally wrong with you. Other people seem to be able to stand up for themselves. Why can't you?
You feel exhausted, invisible, resentful, and like you don't even know who you are anymore.
Is this you?
If that sounds like you, you’re in the right place. You may feel stuck, defective, or even hopeless, but change is possible, and I specialize in helping people like you learn the tools & strategies they need to have healthier, happier relationships and a better life.
How therapy helps with people pleasing
In the 20+ years I've worked as a counselor, psychotherapist, and coach, I've had many clients tell me they thought they were fundamentally flawed or unlovable.
The truth, though, is something quite different: they learned early on that their worth came from taking care of others, often in families where roles were reversed and emotional needs went unmet. How does therapy help change this?
Therapy is, to oversimplify it, about untangling those old patterns and learning new, healthier ways to connect – both with yourself and others.
Ultimately, therapy is both an art and a science. While the exact process looks different for each client, as a therapist there are two key components to the process that I try to focus on in each session:
Create a space for my clients where they’re able to stop performing, drop the masks and the armor, and just be.
Meet them where they are that day and then act as a supportive guide, helping them learn the tools & skills they need to heal and move forward on their growth journey.
Some of the changes clients can experience from their work in therapy include:
Greater ability to set boundaries that are clear and effective, but also kind — both to them and the people around them.
Decreased feelings anger and resentment.
Relationships built on mutual respect and support.
A stronger sense of self and clarity about who they are and what they stand for.
A more balanced life where there’s energy and space for themselves and the people they care about.
"You gave me the gift of insight to see patterns in myself that had been causing me to hold myself hostage and stay stuck. By working with you I have been able to move my life forward, stop fearing failure and judgement, identify and move away from negative relationships, and feel like myself again for the first time in a long time."
-GB
The Nuts & Bolts (When, Where, and How)
I see clients virtually (via phone or video) throughout California. (In-person 'walk & talk' sessions are also available if you're in the Sacramento area.)
Generally, we’ll have weekly or bi-weekly calls, but there are also options for asynchronous support via secure messaging if that fits what you need.
While I'm not contracted with any insurance panels, I can provide a superbill for out of network reimbursement.
HSA funds can also generally be used.
'What if this is just how I am?'
If you're like a lot of my clients when they begin our work, you might worry that you can't change. Maybe you've made attempts in the past without success.
Here’s the thing: just because you haven't succeeded yet doesn't mean you can't. Something you should know about me: I'm persistent, optimistic, and carry a deep belief in the ability of people to change and grow, which is informed by my experience with other clients over many years.
Part of my work? To believe in you until you're ready to believe in yourself.
"I can’t think of one time in the last two years that I didn’t walk away from a session with Steve without some gem of an insight. Old limiting patterns that have plagued me my entire life have finally begun to dissolve. At first, I wondered if the cost would be worth it. Looking back, I find it hard to overstate the value of those sessions."
-DT
FAQ
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My fee is $225 per 50-minute therapy session. I also have concierge therapy options for people looking to do more intensive work, and see a limited number of clients for a reduced fee.
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It depends (I hate the vagueness of that answer, but it's the honest one.) For some clients, it's just a few months while they tackle a specific challenge. For others it's longer-term, because they value the ongoing support of having a trusted advisor help them navigate through life.
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Under California law, everything in our sessions (including the fact that we're having them) is confidential unless there are safety concerns or you give me permission to share information about our sessions with someone else.
Meet Steve
As a sensitive kid who grew up feeling anxious, awkward, and insecure, I turned to people pleasing at an early age. So, I'm all too familiar with how it impacts our lives. It 'worked' for me for a long time: people saw me as cooperative, a team player, adaptable.
But underneath the surface, resentment and anger grew as I sacrificed more and more of myself, craving alone time because it was the only space where I felt like I could relax.
Over time that led to anger, depression, and ultimately transformation when I finally sought help. That began a growth journey and career pivot that took me from 'tech guy' to psychotherapist.
Since 2002, in my work as a counselor, psychotherapist (CA licensed MFT #43212), and coach, I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of people learn how to stop people-pleasing and take back their lives. The work my clients do both inspires me and challenges me to continue my own growth journey.
Outside of work, you can probably find me reading, playing games with my family, helping the dogs at our local animal shelters, making music, or eating pizza & drinking something fizzy.
"I am a far more confident person that has learned to accept myself more than I had ever hoped to do so when we started working together."
-DR
What’s Next?
If you're tired of saying 'yes' when you want to say 'no' and you're ready to turn things around, I'd welcome the chance to help you make that journey. I know it can be challenging to find a therapist who's a good fit, and you can only tell so much from a website. So, if you're interested in exploring further, you can send me an email with any questions you have or schedule a consultation. No expectation, obligation, just a chance to connect explore what makes sense for you.