Therapy for people pleasers
Learn how to stand up for yourself, without stepping on others
You often say yes when you want to say no, and then find yourself feeling resentful.
You feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings. When it comes to your own, though you're often not even sure what they are.
You avoid conflict as much as possible, but it doesn't actually keep you from getting hurt.
You wonder if you're too sensitive or if there's just something fundamentally wrong with you. Other people seem to be able to stand up for themselves. Why can't you?
You feel exhausted, invisible, resentful, and like you don't even know who you are anymore.
Is this you?
If that sounds like you, you’re in the right place. Change is possible, and I specialize in helping people like you learn the tools & strategies they need to have happier relationships and a better life.
How therapy helps with people pleasing
Set boundaries that are clear and effective, but also kind — both to them and the people around them.
Use feelings of anger and resentment intentionally and constructively.
Get clarity about their wants, values, and identity.
Build relationships based on mutual support, trust, and balance.
Create a more balanced life where there’s energy and space for themselves and the people they care about.
Therapy is, to oversimplify it, about letting go of old thinking and behavior patterns that don’t serve us while learning new ones that do.
I’ve come to see therapy as a mix of science and art. The science is the techniques and tools, developed from research and years of practice. The art is in working to understand my clients and tuning my approach to fit them and who they are.
Through our work together, past clients have learned to:
"By working with you I have been able to move my life forward, stop fearing failure and judgement, identify and move away from negative relationships, and feel like myself again for the first time in a long time."
-GB
The Nuts & Bolts (When, Where, and How)
I see clients virtually (via phone or video) throughout California. (In-person 'walk & talk' sessions are also available if you're in the Sacramento area.)
Generally, we’ll have weekly or bi-weekly calls, but there are also options for asynchronous support via secure messaging if that fits what you need.
While I'm not contracted with any insurance panels, I can provide a superbill for out of network reimbursement.
HSA funds can also generally be used.
"I can’t think of one time in the last two years that I didn’t walk away from a session with Steve without some gem of an insight. Old limiting patterns that have plagued me my entire life have finally begun to dissolve. At first, I wondered if the cost would be worth it. Looking back, I find it hard to overstate the value of those sessions."
-DT
FAQ
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It depends (I hate the vagueness of that answer, but it's the honest one.) For some clients, it's just a few months while they tackle a specific challenge. For others it's longer-term, because they value the ongoing support of having a trusted advisor help them navigate through life.
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The research done on this topic indicates they’re equally effective. For phone sessions, some people find it more comfortable to open up and dig into challenging topics than they would in a face-to-face situation.
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At the risk of sounding vague, the reality is that it can vary quite a bit, depending on a number of factors (frequency of sessions, asynchronous support, out-of-network coverage). Pricing is always something we discuss in a consultation call so you have a clear idea of what to expect before you commit.
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Under California law, everything in our sessions (including the fact that we're having them) is confidential unless there are safety concerns or you give me permission to share information about our sessions with someone else.
Meet Steve
As a sensitive kid who grew up feeling anxious, awkward, and insecure, I learned early on how to use people pleasing behaviors to feel more comfortable and valuable. It 'worked' for me for a long time: people saw me as cooperative, a team player, adaptable.
But underneath the surface, resentment and anger grew as I sacrificed more and more of myself, increasingly craving alone time because it was the only space where I felt like I could relax.
Over time that led to anger and depression, but proved to be the spark that led to my own growth journey and a career pivot that took me from 'tech guy' to psychotherapist.
Since 2002, in my work as a counselor, psychotherapist, and coach, I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of people learn how to stop people-pleasing and take back their lives. The work my clients do both inspires me and challenges me to continue my own growth journey.
Outside of work, you can probably find me reading, playing games with my family, helping the dogs at our local animal shelters, making music, or floating on my paddleboard at a nearby lake.
"I am a far more confident person that has learned to accept myself more than I had ever hoped to when we started working together."
-DR
What’s Next?
If you're tired of saying 'yes' when you want to say 'no' and you're ready to turn things around, I'd welcome the chance to help you make that journey. I know it can be challenging to find a therapist who's a good fit, and you can only tell so much from a website. So, if you're interested in exploring further, you can send me an email with any questions you have or schedule a consultation so we can connect and explore what makes sense for you, whether it’s working with me or a different path.